The Manipulation of People, Part 1
Dr. Brandon Bower and Pastor Jordan Bradley explore the motivations behind manipulative behavior, emphasizing that it stems from a desire to exert control over others in order to get our own way. This desire is linked to our human sinfulness and a lack of trust in God's divine plan.
Takeaways:
- Manipulation can manifest in both overt and subtle ways, and can affect relationships profoundly.
- The manipulation of others is governed by unbelief in God and trust in self.
- Control is a bondage to pride and fear.
- True freedom lies in surrendering control to God, as He is the ultimate authority in our lives.
Resources mentioned:
Slave by John MacArthur
What Do I Do Now? by Brandon Bower
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Links
Thriftstore (Instagram)
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Music
Raise You Up (30 Sec)
Diego Mendez
Transcript
Foreign.
Speaker B:You're listening to Reflections of the Lighthouse, a podcast sharing the hope of the gospel with those struggling with life altering addictions.
Speaker B:If you'd like more information about the Lighthouse and the services we provide, Visit us@lhfw.org Now here's your host, Dr.
Speaker B:Brandon Bauer.
Speaker B:Welcome back to Reflections of The Lighthouse.
Speaker B:I'm Dr.
Speaker B:Brandon Bauer and I have Pastor Jordan Bradley with me.
Speaker A:How's it going, everyone?
Speaker B:You heard him once before on our podcasts and we had some changes.
Speaker B:Like I said, last podcast, Pastor Dwayne was promoted to a local pastor here in town.
Speaker B:And we're really excited for him and the possibilities.
Speaker B:But Pastor Jordan has taken his spot and he'll be doing some podcasting with us moving forward, so you'll get to know him over the next couple podcasts.
Speaker B:But today we're going to talk about the manipulation of people.
Speaker B:And this is going to be a two podcast topic because I think it's really important.
Speaker B:Pastor Jordan, what are your thoughts when you think of manipulation of people?
Speaker A:So I think manipulation of people takes place in a lot of different ways and I think sometimes more subtly than others.
Speaker A:We can see this anywhere from a child trying to get their own way.
Speaker A:Like my son, if he wants to get to me when I'm upstairs, will say he has to go potty.
Speaker A:And when he gets upstairs, he really doesn't have to.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Or it's just somebody who has quote unquote good intentions.
Speaker A:And so I think every one of us can be a manipulator in some way, shape or form.
Speaker A:It doesn't necessarily have to just be those overt manipulators that we see all the time.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So we see it often here at the residential program that people manipulate to get what they want.
Speaker B:I think the number one question in biblical counseling is why do we do what we do?
Speaker A:Because we want what we want.
Speaker B:Because we want what we want.
Speaker B:And manipulation is tied into that.
Speaker B:It's really about controlling others and wanting to get a response from them in a certain way that lines up with what I'm looking for.
Speaker B:And, you know, call it manipulation, call it control, control tactics, call it just trying to get our own way.
Speaker B:I think everyone struggles with this.
Speaker A:Yeah, we just, we just want what we want.
Speaker A:Like we can't get around that.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And we just need, if we can't see that, we need some, maybe we can say, divine revelation to help us see our own wicked hearts.
Speaker B:So here's a, here's a mindbreaking thought manipulation.
Speaker B:Control tactics are a sinful response.
Speaker B:And number one, we need to seek God's forgiveness.
Speaker A:That's right.
Speaker B:And then number two, we need to seek the forgiveness of those that we've attempted to control.
Speaker B:Now, for those control freaks out there, you're not going to want to hear that.
Speaker B:So I'm going to say it again very kindly.
Speaker B:You are sinning when you're manipulating and trying to control others.
Speaker B:And Scripture is very clear on that.
Speaker B:And we need to seek the forgiveness of others and God as a way of rectifying that situation, that sinful behavior.
Speaker A:I think sometimes we can be deceived.
Speaker A:We can deceive ourselves rather into thinking that we're not actually being manipulative.
Speaker A:Like I was saying earlier, we might think, like, I have someone else's good in mind, but in reality, we're just trying to control that other person for our own means or for our own desires.
Speaker B:And realistically, Jordan, you have manipulated people and I have manipulated people.
Speaker B:And I think it's part of our human sinfulness.
Speaker B:We're not picking on other people saying, you guys are all control freaks and we're not.
Speaker B:We have all done this, and it is.
Speaker B:It is all part of sin and our sin nature and I think stems from an unbelief in God.
Speaker B:Yeah, I don't believe that God has my best in mind, so I'm going to try to manipulate the situation so that I can control it.
Speaker A:That's we might call functional idolatry, where we're trying to.
Speaker A:We're worshiping ourselves rather than the one true God.
Speaker A:When.
Speaker A:When we're trying to be in control of ourself and make all things work together for us and not for God's glory, but for our glory.
Speaker A:But when.
Speaker A:When we trust in God, we.
Speaker A:We have to trust him, like through the thick and the thin, right through the difficult and the good.
Speaker B:One of the things that people struggle with is just understanding that God is the Creator and has control of their life.
Speaker B:And it can be a very scary thing to hand over control to God who we can't control.
Speaker B:But I think it's so important.
Speaker B:I think there's so much freedom in there.
Speaker B:One of my favorite books of all time is the book called Slave by Dr.
Speaker B:John MacArthur.
Speaker B:And he talks about us being slaves to Christ and he talks about that as a really good thing.
Speaker B:How God has our best interest in mind and being a slave to Christ frees us from being a slave to sin.
Speaker B:And I think that's really what people who are manipulating other people struggle with is fearing the loss of Control, fearing rejection, fearing failure, fearing the unknown.
Speaker B:And they're only comfortable when they're in control.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And when we're afraid, when we're fearful, our lives are being controlled by again, a worship of something else.
Speaker A:The Bible uses the word fear as a worship term.
Speaker A:We read it in the book of Proverbs.
Speaker A:The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
Speaker A:But if we fear anything else, where we find ourselves, for lack of better term, fools is what the, what the Proverbs would say.
Speaker B:I mean, just thinking about the last couple years, you know, we just came out of a political cycle, right.
Speaker B:And we don't get political on this podcast.
Speaker B:But, but the fear mongering on both sides was just unreal, unreal.
Speaker B:And, and it was people trying to grasp at control even though they really didn't have any.
Speaker B:And then prior to that, we came off of a global pandemic that, that, that really wrecked havoc on some people's lives.
Speaker B:But the rest of, there was a lot of people that just really struggled with fear and uncontrollable, life altering fear because of a pandemic.
Speaker B:And it, it was a unbelief that God can protect them and care for them.
Speaker B:There are still people that are, that are fearful of this pandemic and that coming back and all of these things.
Speaker B:And I just think that we need to be governed by belief in God, not fearing what could happen.
Speaker A:I'm reminded of what Paul talks about in Philippians chapter four.
Speaker A:Everybody knows Philippians 4:13, right?
Speaker A:For I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Speaker A:But in that, that same context, Paul's talking about our being of, in need or being or having a lot.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:Philippians 4:12.
Speaker A:I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound.
Speaker A:In any and every circumstance.
Speaker A:I've, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.
Speaker A:I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
Speaker A:And so we see there that Paul's contentment in his circumstances is found in Christ alone.
Speaker A:And in his contentment in his circumstances is placing his trust in the Lord's provision.
Speaker A:Now if we broaden that principle out from, from provision, we can see that in any and every circumstance that our Lord is in control.
Speaker A:Is that not what Jesus talks about in Matthew chapter six?
Speaker B:You know, one of the best ways to realize that you have no control over things is to start a nonprofit.
Speaker B:I remember early on as we were doing things, just, just being floored by God's provision.
Speaker B:There was a day where we were trying to be cautious of our water bill.
Speaker B:You know, we, we ran a couple recovery homes and the water bill was getting up to 3, $400 a month because you had 20 guys showering.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:So we were looking into water constricting shower heads.
Speaker B:You know something that, that was water saving.
Speaker B:And I went to Menards and I was looking at the prices and if you don't know anything about Menards, it's a mid superstore.
Speaker B:It's the best store in the world.
Speaker B:My wife and I go on dates there on occasion.
Speaker B:But Menards had these water saving shower heads for like 60 bucks a piece.
Speaker B:And I was like, I need four of them.
Speaker B:And I don't have the money right now to do that.
Speaker B:But I don't not have the money to do that because we need to save money on water.
Speaker B:And I walked away going, I don't know, I don't know how I'm going to do this.
Speaker B:The next day we're going through our donation box for our thrift store and four brand new.
Speaker B:The exact shower heads I was looking for were right in there as a donation from someone.
Speaker B:Now I know that that was God kind of laughing at me going, yeah, you don't know how you're going to do this.
Speaker B:Watch this.
Speaker B:I could tell you story after story of God's provision of those things, but when we're dependent on our own abilities, we are not dependent on God and his resources.
Speaker A:That's right.
Speaker B:And I think that is it.
Speaker B:That is at the core, a sinful response to the world around us.
Speaker A:Psalm 54.
Speaker A:4 says, Behold, God is my helper.
Speaker A:The Lord is the upholder of my life.
Speaker A:In the middle of this psalm, David is crying out to God for help because of his enemies.
Speaker A:Like strangers, ruthless men, they've all risen against him.
Speaker A:And he finds his strength not in his own warrior ability, but in the fact that God himself is his helper.
Speaker A:Interesting.
Speaker A:The word for Lord, it's not Yahweh, it's not the name of God, but it's the word adonai, which means master.
Speaker A:So David is placing his trust in the fact that God is the master of his life, not his own ability.
Speaker A:But God is the master of his life.
Speaker A:It's amazing to see that.
Speaker B:Yep.
Speaker B:I think there's also something else sometimes underlying in manipulation of others.
Speaker B:And it's a lust for power.
Speaker B:I see that in some more than others.
Speaker B:You know, building my own self confidence, you know, controlling others so that I am loved and I am accepted.
Speaker B:Some of that stuff comes out of Hurt and rejection.
Speaker B:You know, it's.
Speaker B:Call it what it is, it's the superiority complex.
Speaker B:Thinking that controlling others will bring happiness.
Speaker A:There's an aspect of when you can't control your own life, you're going to control other people's lives.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And we can't, we don't do a good job at it either.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And you know, the lust for power, the Bible talks a lot about lust and we think that lust is, you know, at pornography on her phone or, or staring at a, a woman or a guy that's, that's walking down the street.
Speaker B:But lust, lust can be for many different things.
Speaker B:And the lust for control and the lust for, for power just sometimes really, really ravishes people's spirits.
Speaker A:I, I think there's.
Speaker A:In the Book of James, chapter three, it talks about how this is selfish ambition and how that that type of discussion is not, or that type of brings it out as wisdom is not from above, but it is earthly, unspiritual, and even demonic.
Speaker A:For where.
Speaker A:Verse 16 of James chapter 3, for where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder in every vile practice.
Speaker A:And so we can see that this type of superiority complex or this self confidence fix that we're looking for is purely evil.
Speaker B:Yep.
Speaker B:So a selfless plug right here.
Speaker B: ting the shelves sometime mid-: Speaker B:So I'm excited about that.
Speaker B:Please stay tuned.
Speaker B:James is such a practical book and I think it's so important to study the book of James, especially when we're struggling with things like control and manipulation of people.
Speaker B:We've talked a lot in the past, Jordan, you and I, about pride and fear and how pride and fear is the root of all sin and it is also the root of control.
Speaker A:That's right.
Speaker B:Some people use it for intimidation, manipulation.
Speaker B:They withdraw from people or they play the martyr or this kind of person really gets under my skin.
Speaker B:Someone who lectures or uses their intellect to control others.
Speaker B:Ultimately it's all confusion about where they stand and where God stands.
Speaker B:And they've taken God off the throne of their hearts.
Speaker B:They've put their selves there, playing God.
Speaker B:And then the question would be, do they really know the Savior?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:In that type of intimidation or that, that, that type of, of control with lecturing, with intellect, just, it just doesn't get the gospel at the center because we're, we.
Speaker A:We need to recognize that we are all, how do you put it?
Speaker B:Like low down, dirty dog sinners.
Speaker A:Yeah, like, we're all at the same level.
Speaker A:We just.
Speaker A:We all have the same Savior.
Speaker A:We all need to seek after the Lord and trust in him for his forgiveness.
Speaker A:We talk about it this way with our guys.
Speaker A:We are all on the same journey, both programming staff and the guys in our program.
Speaker A:What?
Speaker A:We're all on the same journey.
Speaker A:Maybe some of us are just a little bit further along and we're able to reach back and help people along.
Speaker A:And who knows, maybe one day I'm going to need one of these guys to help pull me along.
Speaker B:Well, I think that's the awesome part of the type of work we do.
Speaker B:People who are running Biblical addiction ministries across the United States have needed help from other people.
Speaker B:I know stories from my friends in many other states of how God's transformed their lives, and now they're running programs to help transform others.
Speaker B:It is a beautiful picture of God's grace in our life.
Speaker B:Okay, we need to wrap it up here.
Speaker B:We're running out of time.
Speaker B:We're going to come back next week and we're going to continue this talk on manipulation of people.
Speaker B:And I just thank you for listening to Reflections of the Lighthouse.
Speaker B:And it's great to be back with you.
Speaker B:It.
